What to Do With Trump Once He's Not President Anymore

Set him up on a blind date with a polygraph.
Reason: Well, duh.

Place him on the Mexican border and ask him to talk about the carcinogenicity of windmills/how great he is.
Reason: Immigration deterrent.

Wait for him to go on a business trip (preferably to Russia or China) and then shut down the border when he tries to come back.
Reason: Also duh.

Ask him to replace Dr. Oz.
Reason: At this point, he's probably more experienced -- correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think even Dr. Oz has ever recommended injecting yourself with disinfectant as a treatment for anything.

Start training him (quickly!) as one of the astronauts on the Mars mission.
Reason: It might motivate environmental cleanup. Giving the choice between reducing emissions and living on a planet much smaller than Earth that has Trump on it...

Make sure as many people as possible are flat-out ignoring him.
Reason: He's been a center of attention for four years (at this point even more than that if you count the election) too long.

The Best Underrated Animated Movies of the 21st Century

You won't find Frozen or The Lion King on here (well, obviously not the second one, because that was from the last century). No, this is a list of the smartest, most fun animated movies that people didn't pay enough attention to. Maybe you can check them out during quarantine. Here they are in chronological order:

Treasure Planet

I know, it seems weird to start off with a Disney movie, but a lot of people don't seem to even know that this film exists, let alone that it's Disney. It's the only traditionally animated film to clinch a spot here, and it's a winningly original sci-fi take on the classic Treasure Island. It also has not one, but two songs by the frontman of The Goo Goo Dolls. What's not to like?

Meet the Robinsons

This film features time travel, a super-smart main character looking for somewhere to belong, and a great song by one of my favorite musicians, so maybe I'm just biased towards it? Anyway, it's quirky, fun, touching, and criminally overlooked. Just watch it!

Bolt

Coming out on the heels of the critically acclaimed (and scarily predictive) Pixar flick WALL-E, which was admittedly another favorite of my early childhood, this film that can only really be called a mash-up of The Truman Show, The Secret Life of Pets (before there was a Secret Life of Pets, though), and Marvel was bound to end up lost in the shuffle. But it was never lost to me. Basically, Bolt is a dog that stars in a sci-fi action TV show alongside his young owner, but wholeheartedly believes that the whole thing is real. He's constantly convinced that his owner is in danger, and as a result of this ends up mistakenly being shipped across the country. In retrospect, the hamster is slightly obnoxious and the whole thing is a little nuts, but I still smile when I think of it.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

OK, this one was pretty successful and got enough attention to spawn a sequel, but it's still a little bit on the fringe. How many movies, even animated ones, celebrate nerdiness? Kids probably won't notice, but this takes a stab at stereotyping. As a little kid with glasses and a ponytail who felt misunderstood by the world at large, something clicked here with me amidst all the crazy antics involving giant food.

Megamind

Not a lot of animated movies try to challenge our concepts of good and evil. That, and the fact that it was released in the same year, makes it pretty clear that this was Dreamworks' attempt to compete with Despicable Me. Arguably, though, it's actually better. If you liked that concept but couldn't stand the Minions, I will warn you that there is also a single Minion in this film - however, rather than being a cutesy merchandising tool, this is a fish in a mechanical suit. (Personally, I didn't have an issue with the Minions, but I know that a lot of people did for the reason just listed. I like this movie better anyway, though ... let me tell you why.) Maybe I'm just a hard-core fan of the underdog, but the way in which this movie utilizes classic hard rock tracks and subverts the conventions of the superhero genre is brilliant.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman

Frozen-itis (plus The Lego Movie) ruined this film's chances at stardom, but that doesn't change the fact that, ridiculous as it often is, it's also fun, smart and oddly heartwarming. You wouldn't expect an emotional climax to entail a bunch of historical figures repeating the words "I'm a dog, too," but this movie thrives on the goofy and unexpected. All in all, probably one of Dreamworks' best movies of the 2010s, which many would suggest isn't saying much, but it's worth watching. It bears notable similarity to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, but instead of two idiotic surfer dudes, it's one of the world's greatest minds -- technically a talking dog with glasses and a bowtie -- and his precocious 7-year-old adopted son (i.e. it's Bill and Ted's without Bill and Ted, which some might call an improvement). Most animated films include nods to the joys and pains of parenting, but here this is actually the focus.

Big Hero 6

Given this film's success, it might seem a little bizarre to call it a dark horse, but if not for the extremely unfortunate circumstance of being Disney's first animated movie after Frozen, it probably would have done even better. Look, I'm a sucker for smart kids and superheroes, OK (you've probably realized that by now)?

Of course, there are other films, but these are the ones that stand out to me.

How to Feel Less Guilty About Watching TV

Have you been watching a lot of TV during quarantine? I know I have, and I'm thinking of maybe watching even more, but the problem is I feel so guilty spending so much time on it. Here are some of the best ways I could come up with to help you justify binge-watching:

1. Watch only what you consider worth your time. This is important! If the show is not so funny, exciting or otherwise engaging that you would be choosing to watch it when you have less time on your hands, maybe you could try just not watching it. Like, if you think Tiger King is dumb, don't feel pressured by pop culture -- just abstain! (It's been working fine for me.)

2. Watch with a loved one. My family's been able to enjoy The Good Place, and now The Office, together during quarantine, and I watch other shows such as Alias and The West Wing with just my parents. If you're quarantined alone, try looking into the Google Chrome extension that lets you watch with someone else through video chat. I haven't tried it personally, but I'm told it works pretty well.

3. Multitask to the best of your abilities while watching. Some suggestions I've seen include exercising, cooking, cleaning, and crossword puzzles/Sudoku. My cousin's been playing board games with a sitcom on so that players can watch while waiting for their turn. Of course, some things you can never really devote any attention to at the same time as a TV show (like, um, listening to music, unless you put on closed captioning for the show, though it would probably still be pretty hard).

4. Take a break from watching TV. I hesitate to suggest this, because TV has brought me quite a bit of joy over the past few months and given me some quality time with my family (especially my parents), but if TV is literally all you've been doing, you might need to take a few days to detach. Take a walk (with social distancing). Read a book. Write a book. Keep a quarantine journal that you can someday pass on to your grandchildren as a historical document. Give yourself a little time to breathe before diving back into the black hole of Netflix.

5. Put what you get out of your TV to good use. Preferably, this will extend beyond having imaginary interactions with the characters in which you are a much wittier and braver person than you really are (wait, does nobody else do that?). I am a writer, so I can count every non-reality TV show I watch as "research." See my other blog for writing advice I took from just a few great (and not so great) films and TV shows. Not a writer? No big deal. Here are a few things you can do to engage with your TV on a more meaningful level:

• Do some research to compare the show with reality. How realistic is The West Wing? Beyond all the sci-fi technology, how much of Alias might actually happen?
• Write a review of the show and post it online via the method of your choice (social media, a blog, IMDB, RottenTomatoes). I wouldn't recommend reading other people's reviews, though: for me, at least, that's almost as addictive as the show itself and much less interesting. Also, it might make you mad that people have such stupid reasons for not liking (or liking) a show.
• Analyze what you like and don't like about each episode. Yeah, maybe this is a writer thing, too, but just try it out anyway.
• Shoot quotes at your friends and see if they catch them.
• Take up a hobby inspired by the show. Thinking about the shows I watch, I might try martial arts, foreign languages, debate, speechwriting, wisecracking, or screenwriting (hey, that could apply to almost anything).

So, there it is: the best wisdom I can offer on how to feel less guilty about watching TV. This is coming to you live (not really, though, when you're reading this) from my house about a month into quarantine, where I have probably been watching more TV than anyone reading this article.

4 Political Thoughts (Plus 1)

1. Thank you, Bernie Sanders, for endorsing Joe Biden, and to both of you for reminding us that human dignity in politics is still hanging in there.

2. If you live in Kentucky, please consider electing a non-dirtbag for senator. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/04/20/how-mitch-mcconnell-became-trumps-enabler-in-chief

3. The West Wing has actually led me to have more respect for my fellow Americans of the Republican persuasion. Ainsley Hayes kicks debating butt!

4. I can't tell anymore whether Trump is more of an arrogant, blustering idiot or a manipulative, power-hungry a-hole. I have a great deal of trouble feeling good about either possibility.

ADDITIONALLY: Thank you to all the people who are working to keep us alive and sane during this pandemic - especially the healthcare workers, of course, but also the entertainers, the researchers, the criminally under-appreciated Instacart workers, the perhaps even more criminally under-appreciated sanitation workers, and so many others.

Fun Fact

The popular conception of the Senate "talking filibuster" is not a requirement and is nowadays relatively rare. Today, filibusters are ubiquitous but on the most part rather boring (and, many would say, especially other senators kept waiting, annoying). This is because around the 1970s, the Senate decided that they needed to be able to have more than one bill on the floor at the same time, so now debate will often simply switch over to another bill during a filibuster (Source: New York Times).